Derek Wallace (destructo_spin) wrote,
Derek Wallace

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life. love. regret.

2005 is gone and good riddance to that.

2006 was brought in with some of my favorite people and some of the best shows I've ever attended.

Tyler left last night.
that was it.
I gave him the salute and he was back on his way to Dade County.
it's been weird not seeing him every day or talking to him on the phone or anything and now he just isn't going to be here at all.
I'm glad I could help him out.
he's one of the best people I've ever met and we both did alot for each other.
that kid is my brother and I will always be here to help him out.
well maybe not here...but I will be around to do whatever I can.
I don't think I want to say much more about this...I'm trying to hold it together.

this weekend was spent with the boys of Let Down.
such solid dudes that kept me laughing every minute they were here.
we all pretty much became really good friends in such a short amount of time and yesterday morning when they left it was sad.
they make me want to just pack up and leave.
same as all of the guys from Guns Up, Earthquake, Outatime, Attitude, Shipwreck, fucking anybody else that hung out and I shared some good times with.
they make me want to move up north, but I know that probably can't solve any of my problems seeing as I am the wreck, not just where I live.

Last night, god those were some proud times.
when we all got word that Dragon wasn't going to have the show, I swear we didn't even give ourselves time to be upset...we were all instantly on the horn trying to figure shit out.
we were so lucky to be able to have that show at Cave9, where I would've loved it to be instead anyways.
to see kids helping set everything up, calling their friends and letting them know what was going on, to see just about every person dancing for all the bands and buying merch, people cleaning up afterwards, no bullshit the entire show.
AND to see everyone pull together money to get Adam out of jail AND to fix the window...that makes me so fucking proud.
the night as a whole was just amazing.
Amazing events, amazing bands, amazing people, unforgettable times.

New years eve was a trip.
spent it with all my best friends and Let Down.
blew a good bit of stuff up including each other.
crashed a huge party and it getting busted up by cops.
thinking Justin was going to get arrested since he was the only one over 21.
But when it all came to the countdown, I sort of just thought.
there were alot of unsettling things going through my head and I just wanted it to be 2006 so I could start anew and get this fucked up year out of the way.
had I not spent 2005 with the people I did, I more than likely would have fallen apart and I am eternally grateful and in debt to all of you.
i love you.

now there's the question of what I'm doing with my year.
well for one...
here's the honest answer I'm going to give to everyone.
I could very well be departing Birmingham this year.
it's really up in the air, much like everything in my life right now, but this is something that is very important to me that I just feel like I have to do.
I've got people I need to get back to and things I want to do with my life and I just can't see myself staying.
this city, though I don't normally look at it on very pleasant terms, has really done alot for me.
I am thankful for everything I have and I am thankful for all of the friends that have stuck by my side even after seeing what a pathetic scumbag I am.
again, i love you.

you know even after I say this I still don't have a goddamn clue what I'm really going to be doing.
I'm starting the new year with being stuck in this mental rut of thinking I've got nowhere to go and that sucks.
I want to do things, I want to pursue dreams.
I would love to be in a band like some of my friends and be touring with them and having the time of my life but that just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now...even with all of the passion I've got for doing that.

alright this is getting too long and I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

but before I end this I would also like to send out my apologies for all of the times I've just not been all there and all the times I've been just really shitty.
this year brought alot of bullshit and being a person that thinks too much I guess I just let everything get to me all of the time.
I really feel like for a majority of 2005 I just wasn't myself.
and for some, that person you saw was the only side to me you know and that bums me out alot.
maybe I will get things figured out this year.
maybe things won't be so bad anymore and hanging out with be bumout free.


also, from last night, a big thank you to everyone who got involved...
and especially Trent, Renee, Michael, Katherine, ShawnLXC, TylerLXC, Kevin Loss, fucking anyone who did something to make sure this show happened and went well and also a big thanks to Aaron just because he wasn't pissed about the window and he let that night happen.

Aaron Cave9.
I feel like I've been totally unappreciative...
but you have done so much for everyone and you are like a punkrock father to all of us.
you have helped some of my best friends onto the road to making their dreams come true, you have been there to watch after us and have all of the stupid hardcore kids play all these stupid shows, and on behalf of the Stupid Hardcore Kid Community I just want to say we love you forever.

...and that doesn't just go out to Aaron really.
but to everyone that runs Cave9 or books shows.
Trent, Renee, Mike, fucking anybody else.

alright that's all I have to say I guess.
I just got really tired again.

I'll probably have more to say later though...and there will be a huge picture post so stay tuned.
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